Parenting the Exceptional Needs Child.

I think every parent has heard or said at some point in their life "Parenting is HARD work".  But, then what is parenting of an exceptional needs child?  Dang near impossible!!!!  Most days I feel like i've been thrown into the middle of a sea with no compass and i'm just able to tread water enough to keep my head above water.

I often feel I am not cut out for this - Why did God choose me as her mother?  I know she needs me, and I love her very much, but I feel so guilty, because some days there's not enough patience in the world to keep me from getting frustrated with her. 

What does she have?  She has Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder.  Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder (FASD) is an umbrella term used to describe the range of disabilities and diagnoses that result from drinking alcohol during pregnancy.  Her exact diagnosis is still undetermined, but we're working with professionals to find out what they are.

Children with fetal alcohol spectrum disorders (FASD) have a high risk of psychiatric problems, particularly attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), conduct disorder, or both.  They have problems with impassivity and due to the lack of ability to control impulses they often find themselves in sticky or dangerous situations. 

It's hard to remind myself constantly that she has a form of organic brain damage and that conventional parenting techniques will NOT work with her.  It's hard to remind myself that because of this form of brain damage she will not learn from her mistakes, and forgets the rules, even though I have told her them a thousand times, including 2 minutes ago.  It's so hard to have patience!

I hate all the stares we get when we're in public because she causes scenes - but I more dislike feeling like we can't go anywhere for fear of misbehavior.  I feel like all of our friends, family and previously enjoyed activities have fallen by the wayside because our lives revolve around her and what she can and cannot handle.  The stress is intense and has an effect on everyone involved.

I feel so hopeless much of the time because I know she wont outgrow this.  I know the statistics and they're scary:
90% have mental health issues, 81% need assisted living, 79% can’t keep a job, 70% are victims of violence, 60% get in trouble with the law over sexual issues, 60% have disrupted school experiences, and 60% are either dead or incarcerated by the age of 30.  

It's hard to be optimistic about life when you feel like it may never get any easier.  It's easy to start feeling sorry for yourself and say it's just too hard.  I guess I just need lots of understanding, prayers and friends who understand and want to be by me and my children anyways.  

Parenting is the hardest JOB!

Do you know what really grinds my gears?  People who assume that stay-at-home moms don't work! 

Yesterday, I got a call from a survey company based out of Toronto, and it's not that I wanted to do the survey - I hate those things, but I really resented how the surveyor asked if I worked, and I told him "yes, I am a stay at home mother" and he replied "oh, I meant work for actual pay". 

So because Stay-at-home moms don't get paid in cash our jobs and opinions are somehow less valid!?!?

Where is the logic in that?  No, I may not work neat little 9-5 day 5 days a week with a wage, benefits and paid vacations, but I work REALLY hard.

At a 9-5 job if the bathroom isn't tidy, you tell your supervisor and they get someone from maintenance on it.  If that happens at home, Mom's gotta take care of it....and if it just so happens that your child decides to put their favorite toy in the toilette (because she needs a bath) guess whose hand is going in to retrieve it........YUP!!!!

So, I know this has been a bit of a rant, but I just hate that society places so little worth on the most important and hardest job you could ever have.  I think it's time to put more value back into the family and fix our priorities.

Long time no Post

Wow!  Has it really been over a month since my last post?!? 
<Hides face in shame>

I don't really know where to start.  I don't want this blog to be all "sunshine and butterflies", but at the same time, I don't want it to be a B***h Fest either.  Hard to find a balance and often writing helps what you're feeling inside flow out of you and onto the page.  I tend to bottle up negative emotions, so often those are the ones that flow most freely once I sit down and allow the words to come forward.

I will write more a bit later (I promise!).